Thursday, January 24, 2013

Reasons for Hatred by J. E. Thomas

Tour Date: Jan 25, 2013 

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It is time for a FIRST Wild Card Tour book review! If you wish to join the FIRST blog alliance, just click the button. We are a group of reviewers who tour Christian books. A Wild Card post includes a brief bio of the author and a full chapter from each book toured. The reason it is called a FIRST Wild Card Tour is that you never know if the book will be fiction, non~fiction, for young, or for old...or for somewhere in between! Enjoy your free peek into the book!

You never know when I might play a wild card on you!



Today's Wild Card author is:


and the book:

Outskirts Press (October 24, 2012)

***Special thanks to Paulette Harper Johnson for sending me a review copy.***

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:


 Hadassah Thomas Martin is a high-spirited woman of faith who was born in Los Angeles and raised in the San Francisco Bay Area. She trained with Precept Ministries and became a certified trainer in “How to study the Bible”. She is also an active member of the Fellowship of International Christian Word of Faith Ministries (FICWFM).  She is the founder of “Keep It Real Ministries” which is a non-profit organization whose mission is to conduct local bible studies which teach people how to continuously live in the reality of God’s Word; regardless of their experience.


Visit the author's website.

SHORT BOOK DESCRIPTION:

This a story based on true events. Two best friends who were separated during their childhood. The spotlight then zooms in on Hadassah; during their adult reunion, she divulges the painful moments of the sexual abuse, murder and death that occurred in her life during her adolescence. It is a story about an ordinary person faced with extraordinary trauma and how she came to forgive and learned to embrace wholeness.


Product Details:
List Price: $19.95
Paperback: 138 pages
Publisher: Outskirts Press (October 24, 2012)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1432793772
ISBN-13: 978-1432793777



AND NOW...THE FIRST CHAPTER:


Reunited

Hadassah and I planned our reunion. It was in August when we reunited over the phone at Casey’s house. We had not yet seen each other, because both of our schedules were crazy busy.  We decided to do a four-day cruise touring Catalina Island and Ensenada, Mexico; this way we were close to home, but far enough away to spend some uninterrupted high-quality time together.  We desperately wanted to see each other, and we did not want to wait until the following summer, so we planned our cruise for October during the off-season.

We agreed to meet at the Long Beach pier, where we were to board our cruise ship. It was a beautiful sunny morning, which was quite rare weather for the middle of fall.   As my ride was dropping me off in front of the building at the pier, Hadassah was getting off the shuttle bus.  This would be the first time that we saw each other in thirty-two years.  With great anticipation and excitement, we looked for each other.  As soon as our eyes connected, we immediately recognized each other.  We instantly left our luggage to run and embrace.  Our faces beamed with jubilation.  We could drown from the tears that flowed from our eyes.

The day was like a dream come true for the both of us.  We kept hitting each other to confirm that we weren’t dreaming. It was true!  We were really together again.  The last time we saw each other, we shed tears of sadness. On this day, though, we shared tears of pure joy.  Hadassah looked at me and said, “Let me help you with your carry-on bag.”

“Oh, no, let me help you with yours,” I said.  We both burst into laughter.  It was like we were kids again, fussing over each other.

“Oh forget it, Hadassah said. “I’ll just carry yours, and you can carry mine.”

I agreed, and we switched bags.  We nervously walked up the pier as we tried to grasp the reality of the moment.  In our hearts, it was as if we had never lost touch.  We turned to enter the building and check in.  I kept looking at Hadassah and thinking, Wow, what a beautiful woman she grew up to be! I didn’t remember her being so attractive. I guess as little girls we didn’t focus much on outward beauty. Hadassah didn’t look her age at all, but I could tell she had matured.  I finally said, “Hadassah, you are simply beautiful, girl!”

“So are you, Sylvia.”

After we had checked in and received our information packets, we proceeded toward the ship. Cruise photographers were constantly snapping pictures of tourists, but we had our own cameras.  We asked a few people to take pictures of us.  We also took pictures of each other.  As we were boarding the ship there was yet another gentleman at the entrance taking pictures of tourists.  Hadassah said, “C’mon Sylvia, let’s take an official cruise picture together.”

I said, “Okay.”

That photo captured the very essence of the moment, our internal happiness. I had not felt that depth of absolute joy in a very long time. It was like being a child all over again.

By that time it was around 12:30. We were directed by attendants to the luncheon buffet on the eleventh floor. When we got to the eleventh floor, there was music playing.  People were drinking, dancing, and eating. The buffet was out of this world!  There was every kind of food imaginable for lunch, but we weren’t hungry. We were still caught up in the moment.  We walked around chitchatting, observing and meeting people for about an hour and a half. Finally the alarm sounded, letting us know that it was okay to check in.  We received our cabin number and were directed to our room. By the time we got there, our luggage had already been placed inside.

  “Um, tight, but nice,” Hadassah said as she leaned her back against the closed door of the cabin.

“Yes, and clean,” I said as I quickly surveyed the room. “Wow, look! The bathroom has everything we need.”

“I’ll let you choose first, Sylvia; which bed do you want?” asked Hadassah.

“I want the bed by the window,” I replied.

“Good, because I don’t want to get sick looking at the motion of the ocean,” Hadassah said jokingly.

We both laughed, because we remembered how I used to tease Hadassah about how much of a scaredy-cat she was when we were younger.  Making fun of the small closet space, Hadassah said, “Girl, we should have brought some more clothes to put in these big ole closets.”  We started laughing again as we looked around the small cabin. “How much do you think this bottle of water costs?” Hadassah teasingly asked as she picked up the complimentary bottle that was on the shelf.

“I don’t know, but I’m not gonna open it to find out.” We laughed and laughed. It seemed like everything was so funny.

We began unpacking our belongings, organizing our things, and settling in. We worked smoothly together. We were both neat freaks. It was just like old times.   After that, we were called to participate in the ship’s emergency drill.  This took about forty-five minutes.  I then looked at the agenda and saw that Hadassah and I were scheduled for the first seating for dinner, which was at 6:00. We were happy to be scheduled for the first seating.  After all of the excitement of the day, we were both ready to eat; afterwards we could briefly check out the surroundings and return to our room to relax.

This was my first cruise of any kind. I was never interested in being on anyone’s water.  I heard people share their stories about motion sickness, and I had no desire to experience it. On the other hand, some of my colleagues had spoken favorably about cruises, so my thoughts were, Why not try it for the first time with my friend and make memories? It was recommended that I purchase medication to take with me in the event that I got seasick.

I found out later that it was Hadassah’s first cruise as well.  She had the same thoughts about being on the ocean and getting sick; she had purchased medication also. We had more than enough medicine for several people on the ship, including ourselves, if needed.

After organizing our belongings, we decided to do our own self-guided walking tour to kill some time before dinner. We located the spa, where we planned to have full-body massages while on our cruise.  We also located a couple of the discos on board; we heard there were three of them.  We returned to our room, washed up, and headed for the dining area.

The dinner setup was amazing. The waiters entertained us with singing and dancing. There was a beautiful ice carving on one of the main tables.  The spread resembled artwork; dinner was scrumptious.  I had prime rib, a wonderful vegetable medley, a myriad of salads, and all the water and Shirley Temples I could drink.  Hadassah had a seafood medley with salmon, scallops, shrimp, and oysters, not to mention dessert.  The delectable dessert table was endless. We ate until we could hardly move.  After dinner we were so full we had to go walking.  We simply could not retire to our rooms in our bloated condition.

The ship was large; it had twelve floors.  It was like a little city on water, and we planned to explore every inch of it, but that night, we only wanted to walk up and down a couple flights of stairs for about ten to fifteen minutes to get relief from feeling so stuffed.  Although we still had much excitement within us and did not really want to retire to our cabin, we realized that fatigue was taking over, so we decided to go to our room to get ready for bed.

“Did you bring any music?” I asked.

“Did you?” she asked.

We both looked at each other, smiling and started laughing.  It was almost in unison that we spontaneously blurted out, “Of course, I did!” We were definitely still two peas in a pod.  I had packed my iPod with my cradle and miniature speakers, and so had she. We both had downloaded onto our iPods an accumulation of all the childhood songs we used to sing and dance to.  Hadassah plugged in her speakers and iPod and began playing songs like “I Second That Emotion”  by Smokey Robinson & the Miracles, “Boogaloo Down Broadway” by Fantastic Johnny C, “We’re A Winner” by The Impressions, “The End Of   Our Road,” by Gladys Knight and the Pips, and other artists, such as Jr. Walker and The All Stars, Martha Reeves and the Vandellas, Aretha Franklin, Marvin Gaye, Kim Weston, and many more.

Hadassah did some of the old dances we used to do, as she moved from one song to another on her iPod.  “Remember this?” Hadassah taunted as she was doing an old dance we called “the freak.”  She was always the better dancer.

“Of course I do,” I said as I joined in and danced with her. We danced and danced the rest of the night away. We were having so much fun.  We fell onto our beds laughing as we reminisced about the times we spent together as children at the record shop.  We lived the moments of our first evening together caught up in the memories of our childhood.

“Whew! I needed that,” Hadassah said as she fell across her bed from exhaustion.

“I know. We ate entirely too much. Thank God for exercise!” I said.

“Yep, if I can just get my lazy self up and jump into the shower, it will be all good,” said Hadassah.

“I totally feel you, girl.  Well, you go first, and I will be right behind you,” I said as I lay across my bed.

“Nah…you go first, Sylvia. You’re not slick; you just want to get a little nod in while I’m in the shower, but no nodding for you,” said Hadassah.

“And what’s wrong with a little nodding?” I asked.

“Nothing, except I want to get my nod in too, so you can go on ahead and get in the shower. I’ll be here when you get back,” Hadassah said, laughing.

I dragged myself up and went to take a shower, hitting Hadassah with a pillow on my way to the bathroom.

After we had taken our showers and put on our pajamas, we sat on our beds and talked for a couple hours.  We shared our feelings about the day and how much our reunion meant. I shared with Hadassah a few stories about experiences that had occurred in my life since our separation from each other. As I shared highlights of my teen years, which included graduations, proms, friends, and boyfriends, Hadassah smiled appropriately, but I noticed how intently she listened.  I guess I expected her to chime in about similar events during her teens, since we had so much in common; however, she just listened to what I said with excitement, but without adding anything. Knowing Hadassah the way I thought I did, I found this behavior a little peculiar, so to get her to talk about herself I asked, “What high school did you attend, Hadassah?”

“Oh, I attended three high schools, Sylvia,” she responded.

“Three?” I asked.

“Yes, three. I attended tenth grade at Green Valley High, the eleventh grade at Lakeside High, and I graduated from Solano Senior High,” Hadassah said, matter of factly. From that statement alone I knew that Hadassah’s and my life had been very different.  I attended one high school, Lincoln High, which was the school Hadassah and I had planned to attend and graduate from together when we became teenagers.  Now she was telling me that she had attended three schools during her high school years.

As children, we often talked about our high school and college dreams.  I knew attending three high schools was not her dream.

“I know, Sylvia, not exactly what we dreamed about when we were girls, right?  A lot has happened in my life since we were little girls. My life was never the same after my mom and I left Los Angeles; been through a lot of grief and pain.”

“Pain?” I asked.

“Yes, girl, some serious pain, but looking at it now, I know I would not be who I am today, had my life been different. I would not want to repeat it, but I thank God for it.  Once I learned how to navigate through my pain, I began to gain an understanding of who I was. When my identity took form, I was able to place things in my life into proper perspective.  It has taken much prayer and practice in applying God’s principles, but the harmful effects from the weapons of mass destruction that were launched against my life have been reversed.  I love the person I have become.  As a result, I have been able to assist and comfort others in their hard places.”

I had a deep longing to know what had caused my friend so much pain and what made her the person she had become and why she referred to the harmful effects as “weapons of mass destruction.” I found this description very interesting.  Oh, how I wished I could have been there for her, maybe things would have been different.  “Do you mind sharing more?” I asked.

“No, Sylvia, I don’t mind sharing more with you at all.  Although we’ve been apart for so long, you’re still my good friend.  My question to you would be this: are you sure you want hear about it while we’re on our cruise?  It may be a little heavy, and I wouldn’t want to spoil the cruise for you.  I can share my experiences with you another time.”

“Absolutely, I want to hear it. What better time than now?” I exclaimed.  “I have not found a friendship that compared with ours as children, and although we are adults, I can sense there still remains a special bond in our hearts that hasn’t been broken.  I’m sure that I want to hear whatever you are willing to share with me about your life.”

“All right, girl, but would it be okay if we continued this conversation tomorrow?” Hadassah asked as she repositioned herself under her blanket. “My eyelids are heavy.”

“Of course we can,” I replied.

A combination of excitement and exhaustion had taken its toll on our bodies.  It was definitely time to go to sleep.  As we were lying in our beds, Hadassah asked, “Sylvia, do you pray?”

This was the first time Hadassah asked me about prayer or anything religious.  I was a little surprised at the question.  We never prayed as children, and our parents were not very religious.  We didn’t attend church when we were growing up, except for the time or two that we went to vacation bible school at the neighborhood church during the summer. “Yes, sometimes I do,” was my reply.

“Good. Would you mind if we pray together tonight as I thank God for this awesome day he has blessed us with the privilege to see and enjoy?”

  “No, not at all, Hadassah,” I said while I waited for what was next.

Hadassah asked, “Do you mind if we sit up for a moment and hold hands?”

“Sure Hadassah, no problem.”

We sat up on the edge of our beds so that we were facing each other. Hadassah extended both her hands toward me to grasp my hands, and I reciprocated as she prayed, “Heavenly Father, thank you for making this a dream come true. Thank you for Sylvia, and thank you for keeping us alive and safe over the years while we were apart.  Thank you for our precious friendship, which has remained in our hearts.  You smiled on us today with your love and grace, and I’m grateful. Keep Sylvia in all that she does; protect everyone that she loves. Imprint this time together on our hearts and let us add them to the many memories that we already have and cherish. Thank you for loving us and for sending your son to die so that our sins may be forgiven and that we may have abundant life.  I give you honor, I give you glory, and I give you praise. I love you, Father, and I love Sylvia also. In Jesus’s name I pray, amen.”

“Amen,” I whispered.

We silently sat still for a moment, continuing to hold hands.  Talk about an experience! There was such a transmission of love from Hadassah to me. This simple heartfelt prayer had generated a power surge that I had not known before.

“Goodnight, Sylvia,” Hadassah said while hugging me with an emotionally warm embrace.

“Goodnight, Hadassah.”  I laid my head on my pillow wondering what the rest of our time together would be like.  What a lovely time we had our first day on the ship! We walked, talked, ate, laughed, and danced ourselves into exhaustion. I fell asleep with thoughts of Hadassah on my mind.


Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Radical Well-being by Rita Hancock

Tour Date: January 24, 2013

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It is time for a FIRST Wild Card Tour book review! If you wish to join the FIRST blog alliance, just click the button. We are a group of reviewers who tour Christian books. A Wild Card post includes a brief bio of the author and a full chapter from each book toured. The reason it is called a FIRST Wild Card Tour is that you never know if the book will be fiction, non~fiction, for young, or for old...or for somewhere in between! Enjoy your free peek into the book!

You never know when I might play a wild card on you!



Today's Wild Card author is:


and the book:

Siloam (January 8, 2013)

***Special thanks to Althea Thompson for sending me a review copy.***

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

 Dr. Rita Hancock is a board-certified Physical Medicine specialist with subspecialty board certification in Pain Management, and she has been in full-time practice in Norman, Oklahoma for fourteen years. Currently, she serves as the Oklahoma delegate for the Christian Medical And Dental Association, as well as their official spokesperson on matters of diet and nutrition. Dr. Hancock is married to Ed and they have two children.


Visit the author's website.

SHORT BOOK DESCRIPTION:


What’s blocking you from experiencing total wellness?

Research increasingly shows a strong connection between our spiritual life, our emotions, and our physical well being. Yet too often our physical conditions are treated without taking our whole lives into account.  In Radical Well-being, Dr. Rita Hancock shows you how your mind, body, and spirit are connected and addresses the factors that can contribute, and even cause, illness, addictions, and chronic pain.

If you suffer from medical conditions like fibromyalgia, migraine headaches, neck or back pain, irritable bowel syndrome, jaw pain, food and drug allergies, depression, anxiety, or unwanted behaviors such as overeating, an eating disorder, overspending, drug abuse or alcoholism, Radical Well-being will show you a biblical, whole-body approach to overcoming your condition. With nearly twenty years of experience counseling patients from a balanced, mind/body/Holy Spirit perspective, Dr. Rita gives you practical nuts-and-bolts advice.





Product Details:
List Price: $16.99
Paperback: 288 pages
Publisher: Siloam (January 8, 2013)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1616389737
ISBN-13: 978-1616389734:


AND NOW...THE FIRST CHAPTER:


Don’t Believe Everything You Think

If I asked you to look at a group of women and pick out the person with the eating disorder, you wouldn’t choose Helen. She doesn’t fit the stereotype. She’s a slightly overweight, sixty-year-old grandmother. Surprise! Not all people with eating disorders are skinny, teenage girls.



As I interviewed Helen about her knee pain on that first medical visit, she repeatedly pointed out that she was desperate to lose weight so her knees would hurt less. On the surface that made sense. However, something wasn’t right about this particular situation. She seemed more fixated on the prospect of weight loss than on relieving the knee pain.



That’s when she starting asking me about my previous book, The Eden Diet. Apparently her daughter had lost a fair amount of weight on the diet, and Helen now wanted to try it.



I have to admit that I was a little confused by this point in the visit. She was on the schedule as wanting to be seen for her knees. So I just came out and asked, “Shouldn’t we be talking about your knees?” Helen looked down at the ground and then back up at me. “Well, I heard you don’t see just anybody for weight loss. I heard you mostly treat pain-management patients and just counsel them for weight loss on the side. I guess I figured that you could help me kill two birds with one stone.”



You have to commend her persistence. That’s faith and desperation rolled into one! I figured I’d better help her or she’d get some people to take the shingles off the roof of my office and lower her into the





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exam room through the ceiling on a stretcher while thinking, “If only I touch the hem of her lab coat, I’ll lose weight.”



As Helen and I dialogued in subsequent visits, I gleaned some insight into her underlying problem. As a child she internalized lies that led her into an eating disorder in her teenage years. She believed her mother would love her only if she was skinny. Her mother had been a dancer in her youth and pressured Helen and her sisters to not eat too much or they wouldn’t be wanted (by men). But Helen understood that nobody, not even her own mother, would want her if she were overweight.



Hence the eating disorder. She was trying to “works” her way into being good enough by manipulating (or trying to manipulate) her weight. Hidden lies and feelings of inadequacy, such as those Helen entertained, lead to emotional stress and strife. In turn those lies lead to overeating and other physical manifestations, such as pain and illness. It’s a common tale, one that another of my patients knows well.



A Little Girl Named Nancy



Nancy’s parents rarely had time for her. Her father was an attorney in a big Chicago law firm, and if he didn’t work long hours he wouldn’t stand a chance of becoming partner. Based on his own standards for success, that would have meant he was a total failure in life. He learned that way of thinking from his dad, who was also a highly successful, perfectionist, workaholic lawyer with low self-esteem deep down.



Nancy’s mother was a legal secretary in the same firm. She didn’t have to work overtime with her husband all those evenings, but she did so anyway, saying it was to help her husband get home earlier. Truthfully she just wanted to keep tabs on her good-looking, wealthy husband. She didn’t trust him around the perky little legal interns.



The one source of constancy in Nancy’s early life was her paternal grandfather. He babysat her most evenings after day care or school when her parents worked overtime, and he watched her most Saturdays too. The babysitting job kept him from getting lonely and depressed





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since his wife had passed away a few years before. Without the pairing,

both he and Nancy would have been alone.



Despite Nancy’s company Grandpa was still lonely in a different

kind of way. To fill that need, he fell into reading inappropriate magazines. He made a halfhearted attempt to hide the magazines from little Nancy but failed. She found them by accident one day shortly after her seventh birthday while looking for magazine pictures she could use

for a school art project.



A flurry of questions ran through her little mind when she found those pictures. “Why would Grandpa look at those magazines? Is this how men are supposed to look at women? Is this how women are supposed to be looked at?”



Though Nancy was young, she knew instinctively that her Grandpa’s magazines were naughty, and she felt bad about herself for having seen them. In fact, she experienced not just a single crush but a double crush to her self-esteem over this.



On one hand she couldn’t help but identify with the women in the pictures. If they were just lowly objects, then maybe that’s all she was too. After all, she was female, just like them. On the other hand, Nancy identified with her grandfather and felt deep shame. “Grandpa is bad for looking at these,” she thought, “so I must be bad too, because we’re

related and that means I’m like him.” The blow to her self-esteem stayed with her for a long time, compromising her romantic relationships with men later in life. She couldn’t trust them. Were they looking at her as a piece of meat or as a person? Would they betray her like her daddy betrayed her mommy? Or would they abandon her like her parents abandoned her to focus on their work? She was never sure.



This incident also marked the beginning of her overeating. On a subconscious level seeing those pictures at that impressionable age caused Nancy to feel vulnerable and out of control in addition to bad and dirty. Nancy decided she didn’t want anyone to look at her the way her grandfather looked at those women. So she ate to put a layer of insulation around her body. It backfired, though, because people looked anyway since she was so large.





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This issue with her grandfather wasn’t the only reason Nancy gained weight as a child. On some level, even though her daddy ultimately made partner in the firm and was able to spend more time at home, Nancy always felt a sense of abandonment due to his earlier absence. She figured that she was unworthy of Daddy’s attention. If she were a good enough daughter, maybe he would have stayed home.



These feelings of low self-esteem and abandonment gave her another reason to eat to keep people away as an adult. If nobody became interested in her romantically because she was overweight, then nobody would abandon or betray her later on.



Of course, during her childhood Nancy was totally unaware of these buried feelings. It wasn’t until she underwent counseling to save her third failing marriage that she began to understand the psychology that motivated her to eat as a child.



Through counseling, Nancy learned that she felt shameful, vulnerable, and out of control as a child, especially sexually but also emotionally. Eating was her unconscious attempt to feel safe and in control. She ate to medicate her low self-esteem and anxiety, and she ate to keep away unwanted attention.



Composite Patients



Can you relate to any part of Helen’s or Nancy’s story? They actually represent composites of a multitude of women that I’ve counseled for weight loss, pain, and other stress-related health problems over the years. In fact, all the patient examples that I present in this book are composites—yet every situation I describe is real.



As you can see by Helen’s and Nancy’s examples, fear, sexuality, and feeling inadequate or out of control are common themes that contribute to aberrant eating behavior in women. Other common issues include guilt, low self-esteem, abandonment or loss (such as parental divorce), parental alcoholism, and physical illness during childhood. Because I hear these themes frequently in my medical practice, you’ll see them often in the patient composites I include in this book.



My intent in presenting these composites is to help you understand



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and manage your emotional triggers and, consequently, have an easier time letting go of your addictions, unwanted health behaviors, and physical pain. Even better than the physical benefits though, is the peace, love, and joy you feel when you break free from false beliefs and feel more of the fruit of the Spirit in your life. I assure you that the freedom from emotional bondage feels even better than the physical health benefits.



The Lies That Bind



In the following pages I list fundamental beliefs that have triggered feelings of stress, depression, and anxiety in some of my patients. In many cases the emotions caused by these beliefs led my patients to reach for false comforters (food, alcohol, gambling, spending, overworking, etc.) to try to feel better.



Before you read the list, please pray (see Appendix A for more help with prayer). Ask God to reveal only the information that you can handle, and ask Him to reveal if you should dig through these subconscious beliefs with the help of a Christian counselor. Not everyone is meant to “go there” without the help of another human. God gave us Christian counselors and psychologists for a reason.



Now if the time is right (and only you and God can be the judge of that, so proceed at your own risk and do so prayerfully), read the list and see if any of the lies strike a nerve. Make a checkmark by each one that does.



Keep in mind that everything on the bulleted list is a lie. Even though you see the accusations against you in print, don’t be fooled into believing them.



• You’re fat.



• You’re ugly.



• You’re stupid.



• You’re unlovable.



• God doesn’t love you.



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• You’re bad (or not good enough).



• You’re worthless.



• You’ll never amount to anything.



• You shouldn’t have been born.



• They’re going to leave you.



• You don’t deserve to be loved.



• It’s all you’re fault.



• You’re dirty.



• You’re shameful.



• It’s your fault your parents divorced.



• You’re unforgivable because of the abortion.



• You’re a bad mother for giving up your baby when you were a teenager.



• If you were worth anything, she wouldn’t have given you up for adoption.



• Your parents adopted you to fix their marriage; now their happiness is up to you.



• If you were good, your dad (or mom) would have stuck around.



• It’s your fault your mom or dad drank.



• It’s your fault your dad abused your mom (or vice versa).



• It’s your fault he sexually abused you.



• You deserve to be treated badly.



• She’ll never let your daddy hear the last of it if you tell on him.



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• Your mother won’t believe you if you tell her about the abuse.



• It’s your fault he (or she) left.



• It’s your fault he (or she) died.



• You’re just like your bad mother.



• You’re just like your bad father.



• You’re not as good as your brother or sister.



• You’re an accident.



• You weren’t wanted.



• You can’t be forgiven for what you did.



• They’re going to leave you if they find out you’re bad.



• You have to try to be perfect to make up for being bad.



• You don’t deserve anybody’s time.



• God’s promises aren’t meant for you.



Remember, these are lies that have nothing to do with who you are today. It’s important to identify the beliefs that you learned in the past, as we will see. Realize that the time has come to let go of the lies, and I help you do that in this book. Now let’s talk about other sources of false childhood beliefs.



Lies That Make You Think You’re Fat



Because my daughter is a teenager, I spend a fair amount of time watching the effects of peer pressure on the kids in her age group. Even the more wholesome TV programs that are geared to her age group show perfectly manicured, extremely cute girls with perfect clothing and most excellent hair. Naturally, real-life girls of that age group are bound to feel inadequate.

I know about peer pressure for another reason. I temporarily volunteered my services to online “ask the expert” websites. I quit after



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having to answer the same anonymous question a thousand times from teenage girls: “Dr. Rita, please tell me how to lose thirty pounds in the next three weeks. I’m going to be in my sister’s wedding, and I’m a total blimp. I’m over one hundred thirty pounds, and I’m only five foot seven inches. I want to get down to the same weight as the other bridesmaids.”



How did I respond? “Honey, your real problem isn’t your weight. You may have an eating disorder. You should talk with your parents and get some counseling.”



I wish I could have spoken freely about my faith to those girls on that secular site. If I had been able to, I would have said, “No matter how hard you try, you will never be somebody else, and you will never feel that you’re good enough after you lose weight if you feel inadequate before. Your greatest journey is to get in line with God’s will for your life, not to get in line with God’s will for somebody else’s life.”



Thinking you’re fat eventually makes you become fat. Your actions affect your attitudes, and your attitudes affect your actions. Watch what you think because it will affect what you do.



You Have to Ask the Questions



If you aren’t sure about what triggers you to reach for false comforters, start asking questions: “Immediately before I feel tempted to [eat, drink, gamble, shop, overwork, etc.], do I feel fear, anger, or low selfesteem? Do I feel stupid, worthless, or out of control? Or do I feel unnurtured? Or is it something else?”



And how do I feel after I utilize my false comforter? Do those emotions go away? If so for how long do they go away?” As I said, the false comforter is not the underlying problem. It’s only the attempted solution to get away from the unwanted emotion.



Many people feel out of control and hence, fearful or anxious. They use their false comforters to try to regain a sense of control. “Nobody can tell me what to [eat, buy, smoke, drink, feel, etc.].” Or they use the false comforters as short-term distractions to escape their emotions.



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They cover their anger, fear, or low self-esteem with alcohol, drugs, food, shopping, cutting, or some other unhealthy behavior.



The Right Questions Break Down Barriers



Surveying and assessing your emotions can definitely help you identify your triggers. However, it’s even better to petition the all-knowing Creator of the universe for answers. He knows the nature of your deep-down issues better than you do!



You may be thinking, “But I’ve asked Him for answers a million times, and He doesn’t answer!” If you feel as if God isn’t answering you, or if you feel “lost” in your journey for answers, realize the problem isn’t likely to be on God’s end. You may have barriers that prevent you from hearing from God.



Many factors can serve as barriers that block your reception of God’s healing. For example, maybe you believe lies about yourself as a result of childhood events or abuse. Or maybe you need to repent of past sins. Maybe you need to extend forgiveness to those who hurt you. Maybe you are mad at God because you couldn’t find Him during your times of trouble. Maybe you feel ashamed and are hiding from God. Or maybe it’s something entirely different. Maybe you have emotional or physical barriers.



No matter what caused your barriers to go up, asking God the right questions about the nature of those barriers can help to tear them down.



To help you overcome your barriers, at the ends of the chapters in Parts 1-4, I offer sample questions that you can ask God during prayer. To formulate these questions, I borrowed from a number of healing disciplines, including Christian inner-healing ministry, psychology, physical therapy, and manual medicine, all of which talk about overcoming barriers of one form or another. That way, once your barriers come down, you can better receive healing truth from God and, in turn, experience freedom from your emotional triggers and bondage to false comforters.



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Action Point

Ask God in Prayer



* Express your thankfulness and confidence, “Dear Lord, thank You for the healing truth that I am about to receive.”



* Ask for a new start, “As I recall my past sins, please forgive me, wash me clean, and make me brand new.”



* Ask God to help you drop your defenses, “Lord, please amplify my ability to hear and/or understand deep healing truth as I read.”



* Ask for compassion, “Lord, please help me to have compassion toward myself and others. Help me forgive those who hurt me.”





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Sunday, January 13, 2013

A Daughter's Redemption by Georgiana Daniels

Tour Date: January 14, 2013

When the tour date arrives, copy and paste the HTML Provided in the box. Don't forget to add your honest review if you wish! PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT ON THIS POST WHEN THE TOUR COMES AROUND!

Grab the HTML for the entire post (will look like the post below):



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It is time for a FIRST Wild Card Tour book review! If you wish to join the FIRST blog alliance, just click the button. We are a group of reviewers who tour Christian books. A Wild Card post includes a brief bio of the author and a full chapter from each book toured. The reason it is called a FIRST Wild Card Tour is that you never know if the book will be fiction, non~fiction, for young, or for old...or for somewhere in between! Enjoy your free peek into the book!

You never know when I might play a wild card on you!



Today's Wild Card author is:


and the book:

Love Inspired (December 18, 2012)

***Special thanks to Georgiana Daniels for sending me a review copy.***

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

 Georgiana Daniels resides in the beautiful mountains of Arizona with her super-generous husband and three talented daughters. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a bachelor's degree in public relations, and now has the privilege of homeschooling by day and wrestling with the keyboard by night. She enjoys sharing God's love through fiction, and is exceedingly thankful for her own happily ever after.


Visit the author's website.

SHORT BOOK DESCRIPTION:

Inheriting her estranged father's property isn't the reason Robyn Warner wanted to come back to Pine Hollow. She thought she'd make amends with her father—but his sudden death made that impossible. And when she learns the identity of the handyman fixing the run-down cabins, Robyn is ready to flee Pine Hollow again. Caleb Sloane, the cop responsible for her father's accident, just wants to uphold his promise and then return to the force. But he can't seem to walk away. After all, he understands about guilt and regret. And he'll do everything he can to help Robyn find healing, happiness and—just maybe—a lifetime of love.


Product Details:
List Price: $5.75
Mass Market Paperback: 224 pages
Publisher: Love Inspired (December 18, 2012)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0373877927
ISBN-13: 978-0373877928



AND NOW...THE FIRST CHAPTER:



If the rest of the property was in the same sad condition as the front porch with its missing rails and bowed floorboards, Robyn Warner would be in Pine Hollow, Arizona, far longer than she'd anticipated. She wheeled her suitcase over the flagstone walkway and paused at the foot of her father's home to absorb the onslaught of memories.

It wasn't too late to turn around and hand the keys back to the lawyer managing her father's estate, though the sad huddle of cabins hardly qualified as such. What had once been a cozy mountain resort now looked pitiable and highly susceptible to a stiff wind. Her father certainly hadn't done her any favors by willing the property to her, but after more than a dozen years of silence, she was glad to be remembered at all.

Gravel crunched near cabin two—Robyn's favorite during her summer vacation stays as a child. A man in work pants and a paint-splattered T-shirt meandered out from between the ramshackle buildings. "Can I help you? It's easy to get lost out here."

"It certainly looks different than I remember, but this is the right place." She shaded her eyes to get a better look at the man who was tall and muscular without being imposing. He was the most clean-cut maintenance man she'd ever seen—and a nice contrast to the surfers with sand in their hair she was used to back at the surf shop she managed in California. She propped up the suitcase. "I'm Robyn Warner. And you are?"

"Caleb." He gestured toward the road. "Pine Hollow Resort is on the other side of the wash, about five miles down. Are you sure that's not where you were headed?"

"I'm here to check out.. " She caught herself before referring to Lakeside Cabins as hers. "I'm staying here. Dan Dawson was my dad." She fished the keys from her pocket and held them up. "I'll just let myself in."

The handyman scrutinized her as though assessing her legitimacy, much the same way her half siblings, Brad and Abby, had during the funeral last week. Gauging her motives and questioning her right to be there. Her right to grieve.

He swiped his brow with his arm and slid on a pair of sunglasses. "No one told me you were coming or I'd have cleared out."

"If it makes you feel better, the lawyer didn't tell me about you, either." She offered a tentative smile. "Or maybe he did, and I was still in shock." She recalled her conversation with Phil Harding, who'd upended her world when he contacted her after the funeral and said Lakeside Cabins was hers, though all her father's personal items would go to Brad and Abby. "Do you work here?"

Caleb shuffled the paintbrush from one hand to the other. "I've been fixing Lakeside up, but I can leave if you'd rather have the place to yourself." His tone held a hard edge.

"Not at all. I'll be glad to have your help. It looks like we have a lot of work to do." Though she didn't have a clue how to pay him. She made a mental note to ask the lawyer if there were provisions of some kind. After taking an unpaid leave from the surf shop, she was living on savings—meager ones, at that. "The sooner Lakeside is all fixed up, the sooner I can sell it."

"It could take a while." Caleb's neck bobbed with a hard swallow, as though he wanted to say more. His sunglasses kept her from further reading his expression, though it was becoming clear she made him uncomfortable.

"With the two of us working together, it'll speed things along." She smiled, hoping to defrost his stoic demeanor. Having an easy rapport with the handyman would make the work and the memories of Lakeside less painful. "Either way, I'll be here as long as it takes. But please, keep doing whatever you were doing." She gestured toward cabin two. "Every little bit helps."

Caleb offered a curt nod before he crossed back over the clearing and disappeared behind the small building.

Wind moaned through the trees, sending birds skittering from the branches. Robyn rubbed a chill from her arms. Something about being in the quiet space where her father lived so many years without her, so many years without birthdays and Christmases and simple phone calls, left her unsettled. She wished she'd disregarded her mother's repeated warnings to leave her dad and his family alone, that she was no longer welcome to visit. She should have at least tried to make peace. Now she'd never have the chance.

Robyn drew a fortifying breath before inserting the key into the lock. She worked the key and turned the knob several times, but it refused to budge. Before she could shimmy it out and try again, the phone in her pocket rang. Her thumb hovered over the button until she finally worked up the courage to answer. "Abby, how are you?"

"As good as can be expected. Listen, Brad and I haven't finished moving everything out yet, so he wants to make sure you don't take the armoire in the bedroom." Abby's voice had matured and no longer resembled the giggly pre-teen Robyn remembered.

She plugged her ear to drown out the wind. "I haven't even been inside yet. Trust me, I wouldn't have a way to move the furniture out even if I wanted to." She glanced at the rental car she'd put on her painfully thin credit card.

"Sorry, I know it's awkward." A long pause stretched over the line. "Brad just wants me to remind you that the furniture and personal belongings are ours. We'll be back to get them."

"I haven't forgotten." She swallowed her sadness. She and Abby had once been close until the argument that drove Robyn away from Pine Hollow—an argument with their father about how she felt less important than his other children. Lately she'd begun to crave the closeness of a real family, and now that circumstances had brought her back, she'd do whatever it took to restore her relationship with Brad and Abby. To find some sort of normalcy.

"Good. We wouldn't want any misunderstandings."

"Abby, I would never take what doesn't belong to me." She fingered the cross on her necklace and prayed for wisdom. "Maybe when you come out for the furniture we can have dinner. We have a lot of catching up to do."

Silence pulsed between them until Abby cleared her throat. "I'm not sure that's a good idea. We're still shaken up."

So was she. The tragedy of losing a parent—even an estranged one—was overwhelming.

"I mean, why would Dad leave Lakeside Cabins to you? No offense, but you haven't exactly been around."

The words stung with truth, and her face heated from the rejection. "I understand. Give me a call when you're ready to come by."

The line went dead. "Is everything okay?"

She whipped around, disconcerted. "Caleb, you startled me." She scanned his face to figure out how much he'd overheard. His expression remained neutral behind the sunglasses, which left her even more flustered.

"I heard voices and thought maybe you were talking to someone."

"I was. It was a private conversation." She jammed the phone into her pocket.

"I was only trying to help." Caleb held up his hands in surrender, then turned and stalked off.

"Wait." She scrambled down the stairs, her sandals slapping the wood. Exactly why she chased after the maintenance man or even cared what he thought, she'd have to reason out later. "I didn't mean to snap at you."

Caleb angled toward her, his mouth quirked. The masculine scent of turpentine and hard work drifted off him, and for some reason, it wasn't entirely unpleasant. "Apology accepted." His somber tone seemed to say otherwise.

Robyn ran her hand through her hair, snarled from the wind. "Really—I'm sorry. I'm not exactly great company right now after what happened to my dad. I'm normally easy to get along with—you'll see when we fix this place up, and before you know it I'll be long gone."

Judging from Caleb's formidable posture and the twitch of his jaw, her departure wouldn't be soon enough.

Caleb stormed into the office of Harding and Company and bypassed the receptionist. Without knocking, he entered the office of Phil Harding, attorney-at-law. "Why didn't you tell me she was coming?"

Phil tapped the keys on his computer without missing a stroke. "Almost finished. Then we can talk."

"You should've at least given me a heads-up." He pulled the door closed with a thud. "Didn't you think I might need that bit of information?"

All the way from the outskirts of Pine Hollow, he had rehearsed the diatribe he wanted to unleash on his so-called friend. But none of his imagined scenarios included Phil calmly pecking away at the keyboard.

Phil closed the program and spun around in his leather chair. "I presume you're talking about Robyn."

"Who else?" He dropped onto the cushioned seat, and if he dirtied the upholstery with his paint-stained pants, so be it.

"What'd she do?"

"She showed up." Simply arriving at the cabins was enough to infuse him with a jolt of reality. What originally seemed like a brilliant way to fulfill his promise quickly turned into the single worst idea he'd ever had the moment Robyn, with her sun-bleached hair and sorrow-filled eyes, told him she was Dan's daughter.

"Look, Caleb, I realize it's a little awkward."

"You think?" He blew out a frustrated breath. "I tried to play it cool in front of her, but you have no idea what that was like."

Phil removed his wire-rimmed glasses and wiped them with a handkerchief. In a placating tone, he resumed. "I can't control every variable. Did it occur to you I might have other projects I'm working on?"

He pushed out of the chair. "A phone call, Phil. That's all I needed."

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.